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It has been a while

Dec. 19th, 2014 | 09:49 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

Here we are with another year winding down. I think I am in the depths of adulthood now, what with treating my high blood pressure, spending most of my time working and commuting, and trying to "get ahead" as I support my family. Ten years ago I was full of youth and lust for the world, wanting to make a big splash and looking to the future.

I do not look to the future much anymore because I dread the time of my body breaking down and all the struggles that will bring. At this stage in my life I seek out all that comforts me: spending time with my wife and children, enjoying the things that taste good, listening to good music, watching beautiful images, and staying warm when it is cold and cool when it is hot. Those are my chief concerns now. I have little interest in changing the world or getting involved in other people's affairs or trying to make it in some sense. I enjoy the company of friends and good people, but want to avoid the bulk of humanity for the most part. I am afraid of the stupid things of which humanity is capable. I like to keep things as simple as possible.

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Ravages of time

Jul. 29th, 2014 | 10:33 pm

I will be turning 30 very soon and I find myself still contemplating existence and what it means and why. I am no nearer than when I started and sometimes feel further from te truth than when I began. One thing is for certain and that is that certainty becomes more of a fantasy as one gets older. Though, in many ways I feel like I do have a good grasp on what life is, so why do I still search and question? Well, maybe it is that reality is not exactly satisfying. I mean, it isn't very peachy thinking that there really is no point and that one day we will all be reduced to cosmic dust, is it? Believing that does not make suffering and pain and loneliness feel any better. And it does not help one make decisions when it all feels a bit useless and arbitrary anyway.

Still, I would like to hope that maybe there is something in life that is worth looking forward to yet and that maybe one day I will know something more profound. Perhaps I can discover some sort of rebirth that will make me feel young again or feel that there really is some sort of cosmic purpose in my life. Right now I am just getting by, just surviving. I do not miss being so incredibly wrong as I once was, but I do miss the certainty and hope for greater things.

Here's to turning 30!

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so very long

Apr. 17th, 2014 | 10:36 pm
music: Counting Crows - Children In Bloom

It has been an awful long time since I last wrote. My life is so busy these days and I am hoping things settle down soon. We are trying to play catch-up financially and adjust to Katie's new job. We have a beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood but damnit if it isn't expensive. There is not much (if anything) leftover each month. Hopefully that changes with Katie's new job.

I am glad that Spring has arrived and the flowers and trees are beginning to bloom and it is unlike anything I can recall seeing, even in the Midwest. At work I have been developing the data for Missouri and it makes me miss that part of the country and the low cost of living and laid-back lifestyle. Maybe that is just my perception since I was a kid when I lived there, but I have the feeling that the low cost of living also equates to a less stressful life. I looked up house prices, schools, and commute times in the STL area and it sounded pretty tempting to me. We could live in a near suburb of St. Louis, have a great school district, a house under $250k, and about a 15-20 minute commute. By comparison, our home is over $300k, with a great school district, and a 1 hour commute for both Katie and me. Though I have to admit the weather on the East Coast is milder...

Time for bed...

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Strange News...

Jan. 6th, 2013 | 09:35 pm
music: Blur - Strange News From Another Star

"All I want to be
Is washed out by the sea
No Death Star over me
Won't give me any peace..."

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Interesting articles

Oct. 27th, 2012 | 09:38 pm
music: Wintersun - Winter Madness

This one's on population growth in Australia, etc.

And this one is about water issues in the American Southwest:

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Common People

Sep. 9th, 2012 | 10:19 pm
mood: frustratedfrustrated
music: Pulp - Common People

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge,
she studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College,
that's where I,
caught her eye.
She told me that her Dad was loaded,
I said "In that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola."
She said "Fine."
and in thirty seconds time she said,

"I want to live like common people,
I want to do whatever common people do,
I want to sleep with common people,
I want to sleep with common people,
like you."

Well what else could I do -
I said "I'll see what I can do."
I took her to a supermarket,
I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere,
so it started there.
I said pretend you've got no money,
she just laughed and said,
"Oh you're so funny."
I said "yeah?
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here.
Are you sure you want to live like common people,
you want to see whatever common people see,
you want to sleep with common people,
you want to sleep with common people,
like me."
But she didn't understand,
she just smiled and held my hand.
Rent a flat above a shop,
cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
pretend you never went to school.
But still you'll never get it right,
cos when you're laid in bed at night,
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you call your Dad he could stop it all.

You'll never live like common people,
you'll never do what common people do,
you'll never fail like common people,
you'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw,
because there's nothing else to do.

Sing along with the common people,
sing along and it might just get you through,
laugh along with the common people,
laugh along even though they're laughing at you,
and the stupid things that you do.
Because you think that poor is cool.

Like a dog lying in a corner
they will bite you and never warn you
Look out
they'll tear your insides out
'cos everybody hates a tourist
especially one who thinks
it's all such a laugh
yeah and the chip stain's grease
will come out in the bath
You will never understand
how it feels to live your life
with no meaning or control
and with nowhere else to go
You are amazed that they exist
and they burn so bright
whilst you can only wonder why

Rent a flat above a shop
Cut your hair and get a job
Smoke some fags and play some pool
Pretend you never went to school
But still you'll never get it right
'cause when you're laid in bed at night
watching roaches climb the wall
if you called your dad he could stop it all

You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and then dance and drink and screw
'because there's nothing else to do
I want to live with common people like you.....

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Sep. 5th, 2012 | 10:05 pm
mood: sleepysleepy
music: hummmmmmm

Ugh... I am so sore still from playing soccer. I have practice tomorrow night and our first game on Sunday! Hopefully my body will catch up and I will be able to play normally without wincing.

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Jul. 15th, 2012 | 11:13 pm
mood: curiouscurious
music: Vibrasphere - Northern Sunsets


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Jun. 30th, 2012 | 10:28 pm
mood: curiouscurious

my kids
the desert
pleasant scents
Watching animals
being lazy
being productive

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Apr. 26th, 2012 | 10:47 pm
music: FC Kahuna - Hayling

"When praise is lavished upon the famous,
the people contend and compete with one another.
When exotic goods are traded and treasured,
the compulsion to steal is felt.
When desires are constantly stimulated,
people become disturbed and confused.

Therefore, the wise person sets an example by
emptying her mind,
opening her heart,
relaxing her ambitions,
relinquishing her desires,
cultivating her character.
Having conquered her own cunning and cravings,
she can't be manipulated by anyone.

Do by not-doing.
Act with nonaction.
Allow order to arise of itself."

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